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Yes, there is a scripture I love to hate, and oh how I hope it is the truth. 

There are varying degrees of bad.

Recently, my vandal sons, Sam age 5 and Charlie age 3 wrote all over the walls and carpet with a magic marker at my parents’ house.

I informed them this act was really, really bad.

They protested.

Charlie: No, not weally, weally bad.

Sam: It’s just bad. Weally, weally bad has blood.

I appreciated this clarification.

As I sat down to write this, an alert came up on my phone.  Our foster love, who was with us 18-months, has relocated with her birth parents to another state.  The alert was a video of our angel baby and her mommy.  I am most grateful to have some contact.  Even though I knew it would hurt, I just had to watch.

I miss that little girl so much, sometimes I think my heart will actually break in half. It physically hurts to miss her, and her mom this greatly.

And there are words of comfort.

Moreover, there are words that make me want to punch someone in the throat.  For example, “That is why no one should do foster care, the Bible says to guard your heart.”

Yes, but it also says to care for orphans and widows so… uh, yeah.

Love is never wasted. This season of grief, for many losses, losses of grand loves, is a celebration of real feels, feels that need felt.

I am excelling at grief.  If this were the Olympics, I would be bringing home the gold.

[clickToTweet tweet=”I am excelling at grief.  If this were the Olympics, I would be bringing home the gold.” quote=”I am excelling at grief.  If this were the Olympics, I would be bringing home the gold.”]

And I hear the words, “ And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose…” Romans 8:28

Will this really ever be for good?  This hurt? This season of loss and change, is it even possible for there to be something good out of mess after mess?  Much of what we are suffering has a multitude of sides. Hurt people hurting people. Too many cooks in the kitchen, too much water, that won’t stay under the bridge.

Although there is no blood, for me, it is really, really bad.

Yet all things work together for good to them that love God.

That’s me.

I love God.  Like, I really, really love God. I know Him, and I love Him.

So, I watched the video again, and I shut off the lights and curled up in a ball and cried real tears.

This will work together for His good. This walk will not be wasted. He didn’t do this to me, but He allowed it, and He is here now. This God is my rod and staff, He is my comfort.  My Lord guides me in grace and wisdom.  No one person can truly know or understand what another person is experiencing in their walk with Jesus Christ.

To believe you can understand EXACTLY HOW I FEEL is like trying to explain to someone how the color magenta smells.

It cannot be done.

Good according to His purpose… for those who love Him.

I don’t want to believe that there will be more and more seasons of this treacherousness, but I have to believe He will be with me.  I must know, and count among that He has called me to, He will not leave or forsake me.

Here alone, now in this place, He is with me, and He is for me. He is all into His adoration, the adoration that kept His only son nailed to a Cross for my redemption.

These are lofty claims, but in my heart, I know they are the whole truth. He loved me unto His death.

That gruesome and horrific death was proved good by the resurrection three days later.

I do not understand the path I am currently journeying.  And I really don’t want to be told by strangers how it will work together for good. But my heart clings to the promise.

I long for restoration. My heart’s cry is for peace and joy that will surpass my present-day considerate. I may not want to hear how all things work together, heck I might use some Karate moves on you.  But, I have to believe all things work together for good…

For He is so good… He is for me and with me.

The blood worked… and blood means it is really, really good.

May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained. Love, Jami

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose…” Romans 8:28

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