The Scripture I Love to Hate: How I Hope it is the Truth 1
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The Scripture I Love to Hate: How I Hope it is the Truth

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Yes, there is a scripture I love to hate, and oh how I hope it is the truth. 

There are varying degrees of bad.

Recently, my vandal sons, Sam age 5 and Charlie age 3 wrote all over the walls and carpet with a magic marker at my parents’ house.

I informed them this act was really, really bad.

They protested.

Charlie: No, not weally, weally bad.

Sam: It’s just bad. Weally, weally bad has blood.

I appreciated this clarification.

As I sat down to write this, an alert came up on my phone.  Our foster love, who was with us 18-months, has relocated with her birth parents to another state.  The alert was a video of our angel baby and her mommy.  I am most grateful to have some contact.  Even though I knew it would hurt, I just had to watch.

I miss that little girl so much, sometimes I think my heart will actually break in half. It physically hurts to miss her, and her mom this greatly.

And there are words of comfort.

Moreover, there are words that make me want to punch someone in the throat.  For example, “That is why no one should do foster care, the Bible says to guard your heart.”

Yes, but it also says to care for orphans and widows so… uh, yeah.

Love is never wasted. This season of grief, for many losses, losses of grand loves, is a celebration of real feels, feels that need felt.

I am excelling at grief.  If this were the Olympics, I would be bringing home the gold.

[clickToTweet tweet=”I am excelling at grief.  If this were the Olympics, I would be bringing home the gold.” quote=”I am excelling at grief.  If this were the Olympics, I would be bringing home the gold.”]

And I hear the words, “ And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose…” Romans 8:28

Will this really ever be for good?  This hurt? This season of loss and change, is it even possible for there to be something good out of mess after mess?  Much of what we are suffering has a multitude of sides. Hurt people hurting people. Too many cooks in the kitchen, too much water, that won’t stay under the bridge.

Although there is no blood, for me, it is really, really bad.

Yet all things work together for good to them that love God.

That’s me.

I love God.  Like, I really, really love God. I know Him, and I love Him.

So, I watched the video again, and I shut off the lights and curled up in a ball and cried real tears.

This will work together for His good. This walk will not be wasted. He didn’t do this to me, but He allowed it, and He is here now. This God is my rod and staff, He is my comfort.  My Lord guides me in grace and wisdom.  No one person can truly know or understand what another person is experiencing in their walk with Jesus Christ.

To believe you can understand EXACTLY HOW I FEEL is like trying to explain to someone how the color magenta smells.

It cannot be done.

Good according to His purpose… for those who love Him.

I don’t want to believe that there will be more and more seasons of this treacherousness, but I have to believe He will be with me.  I must know, and count among that He has called me to, He will not leave or forsake me.

Here alone, now in this place, He is with me, and He is for me. He is all into His adoration, the adoration that kept His only son nailed to a Cross for my redemption.

These are lofty claims, but in my heart, I know they are the whole truth. He loved me unto His death.

That gruesome and horrific death was proved good by the resurrection three days later.

I do not understand the path I am currently journeying.  And I really don’t want to be told by strangers how it will work together for good. But my heart clings to the promise.

I long for restoration. My heart’s cry is for peace and joy that will surpass my present-day considerate. I may not want to hear how all things work together, heck I might use some Karate moves on you.  But, I have to believe all things work together for good…

For He is so good… He is for me and with me.

The blood worked… and blood means it is really, really good.

May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained. Love, Jami

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose…” Romans 8:28

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20 Comments

  1. The cross is our hope that the God who is powerful enough the come back from the dead, who is able to do the impossible, can do anything for us. I believe…
    Having run a similar foster/adopt path as you I know how important that belief is. When I see my daughter visit with her birth sister and cry because her younger sister doesn’t remember her. Then smile because the resilient little girl has taken to hanging onto my daughter and calling her “girlfriend” before the very short visit is over. Thankyou Lord for these opportunities. It’s painful to walk through it but guarding our hearts we miss so much…

    1. jami_amerine says:

      Amen

  2. It’s a lot easier to be the giver of this bible reference than the recipient. But I too believe it. You’ll possibly not see its fruit until you get into the Lord’s presence. And if he allows it on this side of heaven, I pray it would make your heart swell with joy. May love and peace rest on your household in the interim.

  3. Dawn says:

    Hugs and prayers. Thank you for this as you know I am a fellow journeyer (sp) on a similar path. Learning to trust that HE is who HE says HE IS..

  4. Promise you won’t slug me if I say I know how you feel I had a foster son for 2+ years. He came to us at 4 months of age. He was the youngest of 7, I believe. The caseworker’s plan was for him to stay with us permanently. But 2 years later after federal funds stopped, a supervisor overruled her and sent all 7 home in one day. And I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. And I cried tears and dreamed dreams of that precious boy for many months, and I prayed for his safety and salvation. He turned 19 last Dec. He’s an adult now. I hope he turned out okay. I hope he’s enjoying life. I found one of his siblings on Facebook, and he appears to be a Christian! So that gives me hope for “my” baby. Always have hope for your former foster kids! And pray for them. May we discover in heaven what last effect our hope and prayers had.

    1. jami_amerine says:

      I promise I won’t. I am so sorry for that loss. It is so painful.

  5. Love, just love. I relate through tears in my own season of grief … your writing so often hits close to home. All things for good … I will repeat this as I place one foot in front of the other and keep on going.

    1. jami_amerine says:

      Keep going love…. ❤️

  6. Mercedes Jenkins says:

    Your being really really real is precisely why I enjoy reading your words of truth. Once it’s out there, can’t hide it back in the closet. Love the Lord with all your heart…and all things work out for good are true. For me, four failed adoptions, with one being a beautiful toddler girl from Kazatstan, whom I fell in love with, from a picture. Dreamed about her and planned on meeting. It worked together, eventually, His way. I’m in the good, the messy, the be content, with just turned 14 year old twin girls, whom my husband and I were miraculously blessed with when we were 36 years old via ICSI. As I continue to share with my girls, I hope this might resonate with you. Yes! All works for good, yet we have no clue when we’ll see or get the “good stamp”, its up to God. Let’s continue to sojourn together, in times of tears, grief, dissapointment, hurt, pain, all the really real, whether joyful or mediocre, because you will feel better, you will get to it is well with my soul, and you will get your “good stamp”, because living in His promises, living His word is something you do. Be blessed, be comforted, for you are an amazingly hysterical really really real conduit of God’s love, who has given me lots of laughs and much to think about. Thank you, for being you!

    1. jami_amerine says:

      God bless you my friend. ❤️

  7. Joelle says:

    “The blood worked… and blood means it is really, really good.”
    I love this line. And I think most of us here reading your heart just love y’all a ton. He is for you and so are we. Can’t help loving y’all more every day. I literally praise God every time I think of you and your message and your hard work and your hard play and your love for kids. It blesses me to hear your stories. I’m so sorry for the hurt. May God continue to pour out lavishly his love and peace and strength and joy on you and all who are with you. In Jesus name.

    1. jami_amerine says:

      ❤️

  8. Debbie Sudrovech says:

    There are so many things I would like to say…but you don’t need my words.
    So I send my heart…and my thanks for all the love you give so freely to those who need it.
    You are a light in a sometimes very dark world. You are loved .

    1. jami_amerine says:

      Thank you Debbie. ☺️

  9. Jackie wheat says:

    I can understand a little of what missing a child is like. I placed my son for adoption, because the mormons told me i wasn’t good enough to be his mom (single). I didn’t raise him for 2 years, but I miss him every. Single. Day. He turned 18 this year, and I still ache for him. I don’t even wish for the ache to go away, it’s all I have left. I have two children now (one fost/adopted) so my arms and heart are full , but there will always, always be a wounded piece of my heart. I don’t think there is 100% peace after loosing a child. I even miss and grieve the 3 miscarriages I went through. Allow yourself grace. And know you are not alone, I know I wasn’t the only one that cried at the news joy baby was transitioning. ❤️

    1. jami_amerine says:

      God love you life giver. You are blessed among women.

  10. Larry Johnson says:

    I believe that ‘bad things’ happen to ‘good people’ for a reason and that is God is preparing us for ministry. I’m handicapped, an ex-epileptic, have a special needs (Down Syndrome) son, and more. I can identify and minister to people with those issues. I would have trouble ministering to someone who is a drug addict – I’ve never been there. That’s not to say the Lord couldn’t use me to do so if He wanted, but I really would not know what to say or what I’m doing. We ma not like what we are going through, but it will make us better people in the end and the Lord can. and will, use it and us to His glory because of it.

  11. Nancy P says:

    Some of us do understand….13 years after your foster boy goes home and you are creeping around facebook, wondering…. Sometimes I wonder why God chose to bind him so strongly to my heart. I’ve since adopted 5 and if my husband was healthy, we’d have at least two more.
    There’s times when it’s hard to love through the mess, but you carry on and don’t give up, because Jesus hasn’t given up on me!
    Sending love through the internet. 🙂

    1. jami_amerine says:

      Bless you love…

  12. […] it has been used, abused, and misinterpreted.  Please, don’t tell me all things work together for good.  I know, but that is like lemon juice in a paper cut when someone is this low under the limbo […]

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