Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying… Stop Apologizing for Your Divorce
Recently I had a conversation with a Christian woman who said, “I have been married three times. In my prayers, I repent daily for my failed marriages and beg God to forgive me for my divorces.”
I think she thought I was judging her, probably because my jaw dropped and utter shock swept over my face.
And I was judging her, but not for the divorces.
For starters, her first husband is in prison for beating her with a telephone, leaving her for dead, and kidnapping their daughter.
Her second husband left her for his high school sweetheart, who he hooked up with on Facebook.
*Sidenote: Married friends, please stop catching up with old sweeties on Facebook. This is a catalyst for so much hurt. If you wouldn’t pen a letter, put it in an envelope, drive to the post office, buy a stamp, and then mail the correspondence to your first beau – without your spouse knowing about it – don’t message that lost love on Facebook. Soak up the Holy Spirit and let Him guide you in ways you have not known and fill up all the spaces in need of rescue.
Now, she is married to a (shockingly handsome) kind, Jesus loving, widower, who further blessed her with twin eight-year-old daughters. The girls lost their mother in a car accident when they were only four. That sad situation has been blessed by this union.
And my judgment didn’t fall to her, but the lie she believed. When did the Americanized Christian Church stop believing in the Gospel? I remember, vividly, when I first heard the Good News; sins forgiven, washed in the water, the Law fulfilled. Yet it is only recently that I am hearing myself and others talk about this wrathful and unforgiving God and I am horrified.
Begging God to forgive me?
As I sat down to map out the Write 31 days blog posts I prayed that I could write some fun things that resonated with folks. In the midst of this, I am hearing more and more messages about the freedom bought for us by the Cross – and I recognize I haven’t been walking in this truth.
Repenting daily and begging forgiveness isn’t walking in the belief that the Blood of Jesus purchased our freedom. We are no longer slaves to the Law. No, we don’t break our marriage covenant with reckless abandon or hook up in bars with strange men once we have the truth, but if we did that before – it was covered… Even more astonishing, if we were to do it now, The BLOOD still worked. The blood worked friend. And more that it worked, what has been brought into the light cannot be made dark again.
There is no shame or condemnation.
We made mistakes, we make mistakes – but the Blood worked.
I recently heard a speaker of freedom explain it like this; if every morning you woke up to your spouse and said, “Will you marry me?” How exhausting would that be?
I AM MARRIED TO YOU FOOL!?!?!?
And the way I describe freedom to my children is, what if every time we sat down to talk with you I said, “Tell me everything you ever did wrong and everything you are going to do right, and then apologize AGAIN for every time you have disappointed me. Now, I may or may not teach you a harsh lesson. Or I might bless you. But, spend the whole day in worry, shame, and condemnation for the disappointment you have caused me.”
OH. MY. STARS.
Can you fathom this type of relationship with someone? Someone you loved? Someone YOU DIED FOR?
Church, what are we doing?
Aren’t you tired?
Aren’t you thirsty?
No matter what; the Blood of Christ WORKED.
[clickToTweet tweet=”No matter what; the Blood of Christ WORKED.” quote=”No matter what; the Blood of Christ WORKED.”]
I am not divorced. I may not even know you personally, still, my heart longs for you to walk in the freedom of believing, your salvation took. Accept the gift of your inheritance. The only thing left to do is BELIEVE you are forgiven. And then, start talking about something else. You can’t please the world, they may see a big ole’ scarlet letter on your breast, but the keeper of the stars only sees His perfect, blameless, little girl.
He can’t love you any more than He does at this moment.
He can’t forgive that which is already pardoned… Or be made to move any closer than He is right now.
Let Him show you the truth about how He sees you, friend, your path will be so illuminated you won’t be able to contain the joy.
Start right now by stopping the apology.
It is finished.
May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained. Love, Jami
Romans 12:2 (ERV) “Don’t change yourselves to be like the people of this world, but let God change you inside with a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to understand and accept what God wants for you. In this way, you will be able to know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect.”
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