Stuff I Wish You'd Quit Saying... Stop Apologizing for Your Divorce 1
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 Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying… Stop Apologizing for Your Divorce

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You don’t have to apologize anymore for your divorce.

Yes, God hates divorce, but He is crazy in love with you.

Stuff I Wish You’d Quit Saying… Stop Apologizing for Your Divorce

Recently I had a conversation with a Christian woman who said, “I have been married three times. In my prayers, I repent daily for my failed marriages and beg God to forgive me for my divorces.”

I think she thought I was judging her, probably because my jaw dropped and utter shock swept over my face.

And I was judging her, but not for the divorces.

For starters, her first husband is in prison for beating her with a telephone, leaving her for dead, and kidnapping their daughter.

Her second husband left her for his high school sweetheart, who he hooked up with on Facebook.

*Sidenote: Married friends, please stop catching up with old sweeties on Facebook. This is a catalyst for so much hurt. If you wouldn’t pen a letter, put it in an envelope, drive to the post office, buy a stamp, and then mail the correspondence to your first beau – without your spouse knowing about it – don’t message that lost love on Facebook.  Soak up the Holy Spirit and let Him guide you in ways you have not known and fill up all the spaces in need of rescue.

Now, she is married to a (shockingly handsome) kind, Jesus loving, widower, who further blessed her with twin eight-year-old daughters. The girls lost their mother in a car accident when they were only four. That sad situation has been blessed by this union.

And my judgment didn’t  fall to her, but the lie she believed. When did the Americanized Christian Church stop believing in the Gospel? I remember, vividly, when I first heard the Good News; sins forgiven, washed in the water, the Law fulfilled. Yet it is only recently that I am hearing myself and others talk about this wrathful and unforgiving God and I am horrified.

Begging God to forgive me?

Repenting daily?


As I sat down to map out the Write 31 days blog posts I prayed that I could write some fun things that resonated with folks. In the midst of this,  I am hearing more and more messages about the freedom bought for us by the Cross – and I recognize I haven’t been walking in this truth.

Repenting daily and begging forgiveness isn’t walking in the belief that the Blood of Jesus purchased our freedom. We are no longer slaves to the Law. No, we don’t break our marriage covenant with reckless abandon or hook up in bars with strange men once we have the truth, but if we did that before – it was covered… Even more astonishing, if we were to do it now, The BLOOD still worked. The blood worked friend. And more that it worked, what has been brought into the light cannot be made dark again.

There is no shame or condemnation.

divorce

We made mistakes, we make mistakes – but the Blood worked.

So, I recently heard a speaker of freedom explain it like this; if every morning you woke up to your spouse and said, “Will you marry me?”  How exhausting would that be?

I AM MARRIED TO YOU FOOL!?!?!?

Furthermore, the way I describe freedom to my children is, what if every time we sat down to talk with you I said, “Tell me everything you ever did wrong and everything you are going to do right and then apologize AGAIN for every time you have disappointed me. Now, I may or may not teach you a harsh lesson. Or I might bless you. But, spend the whole day in worry, shame, and condemnation for the disappointment you have caused me.”

OH. MY. STARS.


Honestly, can you fathom this type of relationship with someone? Someone you loved? Someone YOU DIED FOR?

Church, what are we doing?

Friend, aren’t you tired?

Aren’t you thirsty?

No matter what; the Blood of Christ WORKED.

Stop apologizing for your divorce. The blood worked. Click To Tweet

Granted, I am not divorced. And, I may not even know you personally, still, my heart longs for you to walk in the freedom of believing, your salvation took. Accept the gift of your inheritance. The only thing left to do is BELIEVE you are forgiven. And then, start talking about something else. You can’t please the world, they may see a big ole’ scarlet letter on your breast, but the keeper of the stars only sees His perfect, blameless, little girl.

 

He can’t love you any more than He does at this moment.

And, He can’t forgive that which is already pardoned… Or be made to move any closer than He is right now.

Ask Him, ask Him show you the truth about how He sees you, friend, your path will be so illuminated you won’t be able to contain the joy.

Now, start right now by stopping the apology.

It is finished.

May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained.  Love, Jami

Romans 12:2 (ERV) “Don’t change yourselves to be like the people of this world, but let God change you inside with a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to understand and accept what God wants for you. In this way, you will be able to know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect.” 

You might also like:  The Semi-Exact Blood of Jesus and Dear Moms – You are Freaking Amazing!

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29 Comments

  1. Cristy Morton says:

  2. Martha Curt says:

    Wow, this one really hit home today. Thank you, thank you for your insight.
    Gods blessings on you & yours

    1. jami_amerine says:

      Bless you too!

  3. Melinda toombs says:

    Jaime- this is my favorite- needed this more than you could ever know! Thank you! Melinda

    1. jami_amerine says:

      Hello friend!

  4. Priscilla says:

    Thank you for writing this. I’ve been in the midst of a divorce battle for a year and a half. I feel guilt. A lot. I don’t ask the Lord for forgiveness, because I know I’m right where He called me to be, but still… People’s judgments without knowing the situation can be so cruel and harsh, and guilt-inducing. Even more so when you see your children being treated differently than others’ children who’s mother does not bear this scarlet letter.
    Thank you for speaking truth and life today. I needed it. Blessings to you!

    1. jami_amerine says:

      God Bless you Priscilla. ❤️

  5. Teresa says:

    Amen❤️

    1. jami_amerine says:

      ❤️

  6. Edith says:

    “As far as the east is from the west…” think about it: if you go north, you eventually get to the North Pole and then you have to go south. Same thing works for going south; one can measure the distance from north pole to south pole. But if you go east, you never reach the end of west; if you go west, you never hit the end of east….” SO FAR has He remived our sins from us!”

    1. jami_amerine says:

      Amen!

  7. Jami, so much love for this Truth! My own past is pot marked and riddled with living life in the pit and not remembering my Salvation and redemption. Praise God for not letting me stay there and Praise God that the Blood works!
    …nothing but the blood of Jesus…Oh precious is the flow….that makes me white a snow…no other fount I know…nothing but the blood of Jesus!

    1. jami_amerine says:

      Amen!

  8. Regina Sullivan says:

    OH My Goodness, YES!!!

    When we repent, we are forgiven, we are a new creature!

    It’s funny to me how though that “Churchies” can heap condemnation on a divorced person, regardless of reason. yet, preach that God forgives. Either He forgives ALL people for ALL sins or He doesn’t. So the part of the reason we divorcees ( I have been divorced) walk in the judgement and condemnation sometimes is because our well-meaning churches act as if we committed blasphemy…..
    One day I remember God revealing His truth to me and the Freedom that came from that. I am saved, I am forgiven, He holds me in the palm of His hand.

    Sorry for the long post, may need my own blog, hug? LOL

    1. jami_amerine says:

      You’re wonderful!

  9. YESSSS…. Oh this is good. SO good. Sharing!

    1. jami_amerine says:

      Thanks Christine!

  10. I make no apologies for my divorce It set me and my children free from violence and fear. But.. the church seems to think that I did something wrong. In the worst cases, a church was actively involved in helping my ex-husband continue his abuse.. and in one of the least-but-still-shocking cases, when they found out I was divorced, I was politely but firmly UN-invited to come back.

    They say God hates divorce — so do I. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t times when it happens, and it’s painful and scary enough without the condemnation from the one community where a Christian should be able to feel safe, from church.

    1. jami_amerine says:

      Oh Sarah. Amen. ❤️

  11. Thank you so much for this post, Jami! For a long time I hesitated to tell Christian friends that, though my husband was the one who left and said he would be pursing divorce, I was the one who eventually filed. When I did tell the truth, I made SURE to include the biblical grounds I had for doing so, and why an attorney advised me to file and leaders in my church agreed. When I moved and started attending another church, I waited in dread of the day when I would need to explain to at least one of the pastors why I was divorced. It never happened! I finally had to accept that the only person judging me was ME. If anyone else did, that was their issue. Even if I could have done more to save my marriage (which I finally realized I couldn’t have because both spouses need to be willing), as you said, Jesus covered that. I still catch myself over-explaining as if I have something to be ashamed of or need to justify what happened, but it’s happening less and less.

    Thank you for reminding me and others that the blood worked!

    1. jami_amerine says:

      It did Janet!!!

  12. Deborah says:

    Thank you

    1. jami_amerine says:

      You walk in His favor love… Have a nice evening.

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  15. […] You might also like: Stop Apologizing for Your Divorce […]

  16. I wish I have this blog with me this weekend. After I was done speaking at a women’s retreat, a lady gave and shared her guilt with me. It is eating her inside. Thanks for sharing this messaged.

    1. jami_amerine says:

      ❤️

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