The Mom Diet: Results Pretty Typical 1

The Mom Diet: Results Pretty Typical

I have the best of intentions when it comes to diet. I do. I want to be fit. I want to wear cute sleeveless summer blouses. And I know what is beneficial.  Truth be told I love a spinach peach smoothie.  As I gulp the icy delightfulness I picture my organs being saturated with vitamins, minerals, and “I am a good girl” vibes.  I feel grand amounts of righteousness that prompt me to post “smoothie selfies” on Instagram. Honestly, labeling …

Beating the Drudgery of Comparison 1

Beating the Drudgery of Comparison

My 12-passenger van stuck out like a giant zit on the end of your nose. I really didn’t care. A gift from my parents for my birthday, I was here to collect on a massage and facial while my brood hung out with Nana and Papa. My parents live near a swanky community outside of Houston.  It has lovely shops, and little cafés, and fancy salons like the one I had just pulled up to with my “lottery winnings.” And …

The Ax Murderer’s Diet: Result Just Weird and Kind of Creepy

The Ax Murderer’s Diet: Result Just Weird and Kind of Creepy Oh, come on, like you aren’t willing to try anything? You’ve tried other ridiculous diets, right? We spend our nickels and dimes on things that we hope to perfect us.  The myriad of products I have in my bathroom is a crime against my designer pocketbook with this super cute embroidered Volkswagen bug on the front. Alas… I am vain. Yes, I like pretty, shiny things. I love lipstick, …

Dear Weight Watchers, 4

Dear Weight Watchers,

Hey, guys! Listen, Y’all are awesome. Talk about having your cake and eating it too. You can have cake! This is nice. It’s a lovely touch. I recently signed up, again, and I have high hopes. I left the last time because I was afraid of that orange monster. I have actual monsters that taunt me with their last chicken nugget and French fries so that just scared me for other reasons. And also, I tend to be a quitter. …

The Fat Girl’s Guide to Knowing Jesus 2

The Fat Girl’s Guide to Knowing Jesus

The Fat Girl’s Guide to Knowing Jesus I remember a time, several years ago, I had slept all day… about 19 hours. We had this mysterious virus at our house.  As far as viruses go, it’s a malady of harsh symptoms. Body aches, chills, fever, headache, nausea, and unconsciousness.  Yeah, that was the good part, well until my husband got home to monitor, our two and four-year-old sons, the vandals.  In my comatose state, I could hear the little boys laughing, …