life's not fair
Jami For the Record, Life Musings

Well, Girl: Life’s not Fair

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 Well, Girl: Life’s not Fair

Life’s not fair.  I could stop there, no explanation is needed right?  Because I would bet money that there is no one the planet that hasn’t been exposed to things that just don’t make sense in the world of right and fair.  

And, after school clothes shopping with my seventeen-year-old daughter, this is what I was thinking, life’s not fair.  As a mother, someone says this to me, in my home, 40-50 times a day. It is not fair that Sam has had the i-Pad longer than Charlie.  And life’s not fair because Charlie got more cheese than Sam. But as Sophie threw jeans over the dressing room door, frustrated with the process, I heard her sigh, exasperated.  

“Uuuuugh! Is double zero bigger or smaller than zero?  What is this sizing system? None of these look right!”  

Poor little lamb, having to deal in negative numbered sizing. 

I glanced myself up and down in a distant full length mirror and cringed, just a little.  Life’s not fair. For the most part, I eat less than most and I move more than others, my ankle isn’t a size zero or double zero, whichever is smaller… or bigger.  

Whatever.  

In the midst of tax-free weekend shopping madness, I was receiving text messages from one of my closest friends, fellow author, Carey.  Her current predicament is my fault, well, kind of. Carey has had a rough couple of years.

First her book was plagiarized.  As in legit stolen. Her words and her stories, copied and claimed by someone with more power and backing, were swiped and then sold out from under her.  As a writer, this was not something that I had ever considered.  After watching her walk that path, and watching the perpetrator meander on their way, unapologetically, I am still undone.

It is not fair.  

But Carey, who is all things grit and grace, trudged on.  And nearly minutes after that insult and injury, she found out her husband of nearly 20 years was a squirrel.  

So, I, being adventurous and a lover of a good romance story (and/or murder mystery)  was quick to answer Carey, when she texted and asked me, “should I try internet dating?” 

I was like, “YES!”  Followed by all sorts of emojis and gifs of shirtless men.  Truly, life is not fair. However, in all fairness, I shouldn’t be giving dating advice.  Especially to women over 40. I know nothing. Well, I know I wouldn’t want to have to face dating at this point in my life.  


To those of you who are currently dating after 40… bravo and cheers.  

Lucky for me, Carey has a great sense of humor.  For the record, I didn’t force her to join a dating website, I just encouraged the adventure. And she had her wits about her enough to know, I didn’t mean her any harm.  So, between the zero-double-zero pant dilema and crazed back to school shoppers, I was texting Carey who got her first “match” in the world of cyber romance.  

That match?  You guessed it, the Squirrel.  

Might I interject, in all of today’s modern advances, e-findaguydotcom couldn’t figure out this match is with her x-husband???  Also, I read the Squirrel’s profile… shoppers beware. 

Carey texted, “I am keeping you.  But I have deleted my dating profile.”   

So as Sophie and I made our way home, her with new double zero jeans and me with a blouse two sizes bigger than I would prefer, I busied the voices in my head by listening to a true crime podcast.  This is my favorite past time. If it is wrong, I don’t want to be right.  In this instance the broadcasters told the tragic tale of Lacey Peterson.

Talk about unfair.  At 27-years-old, and 8-months pregnant, on Christmas Eve no less, Lacey and her unborn son, Conner we murdered, dismembered, and thrown in the bay like garbage.  The motive? Her husband, the leader of the squirrel community, did not want the life they had created. Scott Peterson, did not want to be a dad or husband anymore.  But instead of making that decision and walking away, he destroyed Lacey and her baby.  

No, it is not fair.  

And this was my conclusion for the day, life is not fair.  Someone or something, seems to trump fair. If life were a game of checkers, it would seem that bad guys and cheaters win a good portion of the time.  

And yet, I still believe.   

So, when I got home I opened my laptop and texted Carey. 

“Are you going to write a blog post about the squirrel match?”

She quickly replied… “you do it.” 

“On it.”  

Here goes, Girl, life is not fair.  

Bad things happen.  Good things happen. He remains.  

Jesus stays.  

In this life we will be faced with all sorts of injustices.  But, I believe that God is good.  

Furthermore, I believe He died so that we could come to Him, blameless and say… “It is not fair.  I do not get it. And I don’t know how to feel okay about all the unfairness.”

I have felt most near to Him in this type of honest vulnerability.  

Remember the old nursery hymn, “Hide it under a bushel, NO! I’m gonna let it shine… won’t let Satan blow it out, I’m gonna let it shine…” 

I confess, I believed this was a duty.  A job of shining this beaming light to the world of the broken hearted, but I now believe to shine is to go into every encounter with full frontal honesty.  

I do not know why some husbands cheat.  

Most certainly, I don’t get internet dating.  

For the life of me, I don’t know what God was thinking when he bestowed teenaged daughters with 16 inch waists on 47-year-old-women to mother.  I don’t know why there is cancer or sex trafficking. Moreover, I do not understand why there is child abuse, hunger, refuge camps, or discrimination.  And, until I meet Him face to face, I may not ever understand why He moves how He moves or saves how He saves.

But I still believe.  

No matter how unfair, I cannot give up on this Jesus.  In the balancing act of good and bad, and in a world of blessed and cursed, in all the in betweens, I believe.  


Greater, I believe that I can come to my God and voice my grievances, ugly cry, and ask point blank… “HEY!  Why?”  

And while He may not bust through the clouds or send an angel to me in my closet, I still believe.  He is as obvious to me as the statement, “life’s not fair.”

So, in the midst of this composition, I said that out loud too.  “It’s not fair God… but I still believe. I still believe you. Not just in your existence.  I believe you. Jesus, I love you and I like you. I believe.”

There was no rainbow or skywriting.  And no, no burning landscape. I did not wake up a millionaire.  My friends still have hard roads. People I love are still suffering. The world keeps on spinning… but there was something.  

Something good and just, right and fairly obvious, peace.  

And friend, I was drenched in it.  I won’t lie to you, it came in a wave, a wave later it relented.  But that was the answer. Life’s not fair. The world has some big ole’ sinkholes.  And Jesus came and conquered that all and breathed peace on those who believe.  

It is easy to compare.  Social media puts success right in our faces.  Tragedy is a podcast away. Triumph is broadcast in every language. Defeat is announced quickly after.. But what I would not trade for fair is the abundance of peace that comes from belief.  

And I called Carey.  We talked about peace.  In the midst of a hard and very unfair road, she is drenched in it too.  She said, “in all of this hardship I have to ask myself, am I going to be in the shelter of God’s peace… or not? And then, I choose Him.  I choose His peace.”

Me too.  

I choose to dwell in God’s peace.  

You can too.  It is freely given in heavy portions.  

Choose peace. 

Believe you are adored. 

Embrace the completed work of the cross. The story He chose is not the same as the one He chose for anyone else. The sin that may have inflicted a less than desirable road for you was not authored by this God whose ways are perfect. The restoration; peace,… Click To Tweet

Talk out loud with a Father who loved you unto the brutal death of His baby boy, Jesus on the cross.  

And then sit back and wait, The story He chose is not the same as the one He chose for anyone else.  The sin that may have inflicted a less than desirable road for you was not authored by this God whose ways are perfect.  The restoration; peace, joy, and life abundant will look much different than anyone else’s, and He is good. 

And… it is well.  

So, Monday morning I signed my third book deal. 

He is the answer to every single question.  And He is there without judgment or condemnation.  He is a good and loving Father, the author of peace and hope.  And I am going to write a book about Him and a lighthearted and honest look at wellness from the inside out.  

I cannot wait to share it with you.  

Between now and it’s release date in August of 2020, we will each meet with somethings that are heavy and hard.  Most certainly, some of it will seem unfair. Now, with this third book, I cannot determine precisely what I will uncover or the totality of the outcome, but I am so very excited to witness how He answers.  

What a privilege to be in the midst of such a good and loving Father.  It hardly seems fair, He is so wonderful. Once and done, He saved a wretch like me, and calls me friend.  I ended my first book, Stolen Jesus with the statement, “Buckle up, this is where it gets good.”  

Well, Girl, I am here to testify, it only gets better.   

Stay tuned and Jesus be all over you.  Love, Jami

Sign up for my email and watch for more updates on book three, Well, Girl: An Inside Out Journey to Wellness, with Barbour Publishing, August 2020.  And be sure to follow me on Instagram @jamiamerine and the hashtags #wellgirl #jamiamerine #jesusbealloveryou

Are you resting in the completed work of Jesus Christ?


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Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.” Mark 5:36

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7 Comments

  1. My heart breaks into a million pieces over all that Carey has been through…
    This was beautiful and true- Carey knew you’d nail it, as you always do.

    And YAY BOOK DEAL!! I, of course, can’t wait to read it and see what God does NEXT through you…

  2. AmyJo says:

    Thank you for this… “The story He chose is not the same as the one He chose for anyone else. The sin that may have inflicted a less than desirable road for you was not authored by this God whose ways are perfect. The restoration; peace, joy, and life abundant will look much different than anyone else’s, and He is good.” …it speaks volumes to my wounded heart! HUGS!

    1. Donna Demers says:

      Well always told my girl s life is not fair and Jesus never said it would be but that he would be with us . Enjoy your story you hit it right fair should not be in our speech of we know the Lord the y yes is always there but still as you said he’s still good

  3. Carey will receive her “woman of a lifetime” award someday! What an example of strength and courage she is! And God blessed her with a friend like you.
    As for teenage daughters – been there x3, one to go, gotta just look the other way hahaha
    Well girl, time to get on with this weekend – JBAOY
    Stay healthy!

  4. Carey will receive her “woman of a lifetime” award someday! What an example of strength and courage she is! And God blessed her with a friend like you.
    As for teenage daughters – been there x3, one to go, gotta just look the other way hahaha
    Well girl, time to get on with this weekend – JBAOY
    Stay healthy!

  5. Glenna McKelvie says:

    How many times (as a Mom) did I try to answer the wail of “but, it’s not fair!” Life isn’t fair, for sure. If it was, Taylor Swift wouldn’t be, thin, lovely and talented, while I am (D) none of the above… but, just the same, Jesus loves me and hey, my husband is for sure the cream of the crop. And, I am blessed beyond belief! Are there bumps in the road! There are craters in the road! But, all in all, we keep on trucking!

  6. I was on Carey’s launch team when all of this horribleness entered her life and so felt for her and prayed for her. But the husband match it too much! Glad she has a friend like you. laurensparks.net

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