The last couple weeks of my parenting journey have been epic.
As of a month ago we have seven children, they range in age from 5 months to 20 years.
The littles have run me ragged. I am feeling every single one of my 44 years. And maybe I have pushed my limits. But I love being a mom.
As we have made plans for this next season I have been terribly emotional about the departure of our oldest daughter back to the dorms, and the decision by our oldest son to join the military. Our middle son just returned from a stint in military school – which was worth every penny. This morning he left, dimples flashing, for his first day of dual credit classes.
In general, it is a happy time. New adventures on the horizon, new humans in our home.
It is well.
I have bouts of weepiness. And I am exceptionally tired. But, overall, I want my children to go and do things that make them happy, and hopefully, bring glory to God.
How I love my God. And, I taught my children about Him. We read scripture and we prayed. And now, as they wander about in society I hear the things they say – I am listening as they form opinions.
Their own opinions.
And I overheard “agnostic…”
And I overheard “I don’t believe…”
And I overheard “I think that’s inaccurate.”
And, “That seems more like a fairy tale or myth.”
And on another occasion, I heard, “I hate religion.” And, “I won’t teach my kids that.”
And years ago I would have panicked to hear my babies questioning scripture, or denying the existence of God.
But, right now, at this place of departure, I am oddly relieved.
How can that be? Of course, there is much that can go wrong without God. And for this, I pray, “Lord, stay with them. Remind them. Guide them.”
However, much can be learned in the season of want. And I recognize want in these humans. They are curious, they crave more. And more is what I want for them. More than the story of David and Goliath as told by a cucumber and tomato.
Go – fight giants.
More than a tale of a man, his boat, and wild beasts at sea.
Go – live your life without a care for the naysayers and hecklers, and take in a few strays along the way.
More than legends of seas being parted and walls tumbling down.
Go – speak boldly and by all means… lead.
And more than an anecdote of a man spending an entire night in a lion’s den, and living to tell the tales.
Go – be brave.
More than a bedtime story of a girl that became queen and saved her people.
Go – stand up for right and wrong. Fight for the weak ones. Fear your conscience more than consequences.
More than a yarn of a prophet swallowed by a whale.
Go – go to the dark places. Go to the depth of solitude. Go and spend time pondering what went wrong.
And oh how I pray, that the account of a virgin birth, death, and resurrection of a Jewish carpenter is written on your soul. And I beg you hear his name whispered on the wind and waves, “Jesus.”
Go – and believe.
Go learn. Go suffer. Go stumble. Go seek. Go knock… He will answer. When you’re in need He will be in wait. And when you are ready, He will be more than a story – He will be yours.
And oh, how much I love My God. I hope I did well in modeling that for you. But alas, that was me. And this is you. So go, deny that which you find hard to believe. Go and dig for answers. Go and ask the hard questions. Go climb mountains, swim seas, and trek through deserts in search of that which will fill you up so that you never grow thirsty.
I’ll wait here.
I will continue to pray for you. I will pray for safety. I will pray for wisdom. I will pray. And when you have all your answers please come home and tell me all about the adventures that lead you to your God.
It is a story I cannot wait to hear.
“Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained. Love, Jami