Pee First: A Bladder Story I full-blown peed my pants this week. I wasn’t laughing. And, I didn’t sneeze. No, I just should have taken my own advice. Pee first. It really isn’t fair. I am basically a fit woman. Granted, I have given birth 4 times, to HUGE headed babies. Then I adopted two more babies. This didn’t directly affect my bladder… I don’t think. However, after my hysterectomy in 2002, I thought things would normalize for me. I …
Gender Reveal Parties: A New Phenomenon in Birthing Humans I am going to sound like an old lady, and I swear, I am not that old. However, I cannot hold my tongue on the issue of the gender reveal party. It is too ripe – there is entirely too much to say. Yes, I know the risk. I have had my share of pushback on stuff I wish you’d quit saying. The crazies can be found in the comment section …
Dear Spelling List: the Myth, the Legend, the Beast There you are. Truly, you never change, you with your pious phonetical rubbish, except when you throw out some random silent P. What is that? I imagine if you were to answer me, you would give some easy response. But I know you so well. I have known you since 1976. Spelling List, you have the ego of a prizefighter. Your one, two punch? Another silent letter. And you knock out …
Marriage Emergency: My Husband is on a Diet. Yes, my husband is on a diet. I can’t. What is this phenomenon? Why can’t he leave well enough alone? The last time he went on a diet he cut back from three beers to two, and he lost 9 pounds. In a day. I know, you think I am exaggerating. I wish I was. So this time it was a Tuesday. I was sitting at my vanity putting on my face …
Mom “Vacation.” Yeah, right. This is grammatically incorrect, Mom Vacation. It also defies gravity, logic, and all other forms of science and reason. It isn’t possible. It’s like an unclear antecedent, dangling modifier, or some other Grammar debacle no one knows or understands. Packing, organizing, scheduling, juggling… so as to relax? Still, we are officially on our way to San Diego to see our #Marinebaby graduate from Bootcamp. The negotiations a mom encounters, to prepare for a vacation are much …
It’s me, Lord.
Yes, me… on the dressing room floor. Oh, Sweet Jesus, you’ve seen me here before – in this shame and brokenness.
I know, starving, oppressed, and exploited humans… My summer wardrobe is low on your list of priorities. I am the worst.
