I don’t read my Bible.
A slave to my disability, a word aptly spoken is a word better than one read.
For those of you who know me, I am an author who does not read.
For those of you who don’t know me, I am an author who does not read.
In grade school, I was labeled trouble.
In middle school, a dunce.
In high school… can we skip over the names I earned in high school?
Thanks.
In college… I was sent packing.
Until one University, Abilene Christian University, asked if I had ever been tested for learning disabilities.
I am dyslexic.
I don’t read.
I listen to some books. I highlight others. And brace yourself… I don’t read the Bible. Black and white text sends me into a fetal position. The words bounce on the page. My heart races, my hands tremor, and I feel altogether sick.
When I finished graduate school with a Masters of Education in Counseling and Human Development one of my professors said to me, “Well, there you have it, an illiterate with a graduate degree.”
We laughed.
And then I got in my car with my husband, our three-year-old, and our 2 –day-old son, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
I fooled them.
Don’t pity me. I don’t believe that anymore. But I fully believed it then. I did my Master Orals on the 15th and gave birth the next morning to our son. The following weekend I strutted my milk engorged boobs and post-pregnancy hiney across the stage to receive my diploma. I was all kinds of bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and then give birth in time to walk across the stage, with honors… with a 3rd-grade reading ability, kind of woman.
And now, I am a published Christian author, who doesn’t read her bible.
The ironies never cease.
But this time… I am not faking it.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God and the Word was God.
And He dwells in me.
And He alone has set me free of many a lie.
That I am trouble.
That I am a dunce.
And that I am those other things that I emphatically asked you not to bring up.
I am not a fraud.
And I didn’t need to fool anyone.
I believe that He was in the beginning with God, all things were made through Him, and without Him, nothing was made.
I have a couple of bibles. One that I adore from my friends at Lifetree is a prized possession. For of the Word I have read, the Word that is most highlighted in my “Jesus Centered” Bible are the words I always could read.
Words in red.
Those red words are the Words that became flesh and dwelt among us. And I have seen His glory. GLORY as of the only Son, from the Father, full of Grace and Truth.
That Word may bounce on the page, be blurred and unclear. But the Word that travels through my heart, through every vessel, artery, and capillaries, then penetrates my soul and is inscribed on every bone, joint and ligament of my body, is not limited by the Word written in the latest jargon in the clearance bin at Walmart.
[clickToTweet tweet=”The words I could read were the words in #red. #dyslexia #jesus” quote=”The words I could read were the words in #red. #dyslexia #jesus”]
If only.
If only the Word, which my American self is obsessed with, were only available to the prosperous and Dollar Tree economy on every corner in the land of the Free… would He have found me?
If I were blind, deaf, and dumb… would He have still not chased after me with the fervor by which He was nailed to that piney coffin?
The Word.
I must ask, no disrespect, but when it is said, “We must abide in the Word…” wasn’t that Word unavailable to masses in the aged old Jerusalem?
Not neatly hidden in a hotel drawer.
Not flippantly handed out at the last retreat.
And certainly not hidden at the bottom of a bargain bin, was not the Word – JESUS?
He moves how He moves.
He saves how He saves.
He is with me and you cannot convince me otherwise.
He wants me to believe I am HIS.
I believe, if I were a girl in a tent in a land far from here, He would find me.
I believe, if I were a soldier, in a foreign land, asleep under the stars far from those I know and love, He would find me.
I believe, if I were a slave, shackled to a stony wall, He would come to comfort me.
The Alpha.
The Omega.
The Beginning.
The End.
Oh, but we have Americanized Him; the Sheppard who appears to Muslims as they slumber, the Lion who speaks peace to the ages, and the Lamb who will go to slaughter for the herd.
Truly you will not convince me that the study of the printed Word is grander than the devotion to His Son. The Son, Who was and is the Word and can reach as far as the East is from the West. Surely I am free from sin and condemnation as I wander through the wheat fields on the Sabbath… plucking the heads off grain freely and relishing in His Glory.
Lord, I am most grateful that I can hold this Word in my advantaged fleshy hands. Let me never forget the honor.
And never heal me of my disabilities.
Never let me read your Word without struggle or trial, for blessed are they who hunger and thirst, for they should be filled.
Let me never know the Truth, unless it comes from You.
In my weakness I am strong. My love, my Lord, if only all were as lucky as I… disabled.
May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained. Love, Jami
Romans 8:37 (NIV) “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”
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Wonderful telling of your journey Jami. The Jesus-Centered Bible is really neat, I gave one to my BFF this year for Christmas. xoxo
Hey love!
Fascinating. You and your story. I love it and couldn’t agree more. Jesus is so much more than words on a page. Though I would love to see them dance.
Is a little dizzying.
You are perfect! In your weakness, we see His strength. His beautiful, powerful strength. Love you Jami Amerine. You get me every time.
I love you Christie. ❤
Jami, your story is inspiring and displays the truth of Phil 4:13. My husband and two sons struggle with reading. My two sons saw a developmental optometrist and were diagnosed with convergence insufficiency. This is where the eyes don’t work together causing reading challenges. They received vision therapy weekly for 6 months to a year and are much improved. They are not excellent readers but can now read without the words moving and without headaches and tired eyes. If you would like to learn more about this our Drs website devisionacademy.com is very informative. Blessings in Jesus.
Thank you.
I’m a big fan if the written Word, but you really got me, friend. I’ve known people who professed to read the Bible “from cover to cover” and there was nothing in their actions or speech that even mildly resembled the teachings of Christ.
Your journey inspires and encourages, dear friend – love you
I love you.
Wait! You left out the part where your mother was exhausted!
Great post!
There is also the Bible on audio…which is also The Word…
Yes, but did you actually read this? That wasn’t the point.
Yes. I did read it. And you quote Bible passages, too… my point is that we learn about Jesus from the Bible, not from natude or the world or our own conscience — or even from deep in our hearts, unless the Spirit of God has planted that Word in our hearts.
If dyslexia prevents you from reading it, there are ways to HEAR God’s Word
That’s is not what I said.
I am not interested in debate. This is my experience. This is the message that I was up until 1 am praying and weeping over. These words came without opening the Bible. You don’t need to be convinced but you needn’t heckle me or undermine very hard work. I love you and want good things for you. But there are blogs you might be better blessed by. Jami
Isn’t it funny (not ha ha), I have always admired those that could listen to books–including and especially the Bible– and learn. My brain utterly SHUTS DOWN when I try to listen to something (other than my own voice reading something I’m reading out loud). I retain absolutely nothing. Sermons, teacher lectures, ANYTHING. It just goes in one ear and out the other.
God will seek and find us regardless of where, when, who, how and what we are. By any means necessary.
Amen
What she said…so good.
This is beautiful! Thanks for sharing (and fun fact I’m from Abilene!)
Hi!!!
Your words are beautiful ,and so is your message.Thank you.
Thank you Laura.
Thank you…
I hate to point this out, but can you explain to me this passage : “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.””.Romans 10:17. Just because you cannot read, and I am sorry that it is a phtysical impossibility, but you can still listen to God’s Word. It is through both faith in doing and hearing that we become closer to our Savior. Even if you cannot read you can still hear, and that is just as good to our Lord as if you read the Bible. You need to hear the Word to be and remain close to our Savior. To end here is another reason is this verse: John 8:47- “He that is of God hearth God’s words: ye therefore hear them not, because ye are not of God. ” This passage clearly shows that you need to hear the Word and not just rely on your walk with God.
We did not know (for years) that she was dyslexic… as A Child, I read the Bible to her… she hears THe WORD all the time now. Why would anyone want to make this into a debate when she has poured her heart out???