As a mom, it isn’t all my fault.
It isn’t all my responsibility.
This week my family is faced with mountains. Business dealings, time changes, deadlines, a long time foster love begins transitioning home, and a man-baby leaves for Marine Bootcamp.
Everyone is stressed, and sad… I am struggling to get a deep breath, simply for myself, let alone breath for everyone else.
But this is new: I can’t fix this for everyone.
Everyone must grieve.
Yes, I can comfort and love and nurture… but if I try and fix it for everyone, what do they need with Jesus? I need Jesus right now. The stress and the grief are real. I am falling into the arms of my Jesus – and if I am meeting every single tear or whimper with warm chocolate chip cookies and physical bandaids – when will they fall into the arms of their Jesus?
And in the past, I have been burdened with guilt when I couldn’t love my loves past the hurt. But, I know now there is nothing I can offer them that can compare with the love of the Father.
Our grief is real.
The unknown is burdensome.
I fell apart in the grocery store because Doritos were on sale for buy two for $5. The man-baby loves Doritos.
Justin Timberlake came on the radio… our foster love has a mutual appreciation for boy bands… we love to sing JT together.
I have my grief. And I can’t help but grieve watching those I love most grieve. But I am not the balm to their souls like Jesus is. Today, in their darkest and most scary moments I pray if I am not the solution… He is. I pray that the hurt is only resolved by the One who died for them. Far from my arms, whether in their rooms alone, far away at boot camp, in the arms of a mom who knew them first… or wandering – grieving looking for answers… Jesus, please be the name they call.
Jesus, balm to my soul… take them further, deeper, and wider to the places of healing, not even this mom could know.
I trust you to do what I cannot… heal the broken hearted.
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May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained. Love, Jami
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
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