I came across a Facebook post tonight and I had chills at a resounding message for this week: letting go. First, the post. I was getting ready to attend a conference several months ago and met with my Grammar guru, one of my bff’s moms, Dottie. I kept receiving text messages from a child who will remain anonymous. Finally, unable to ignore the pleas, I apologized and called the child. This is the side of the conversation Dottie hears:
Me: you have a lump where? No, I don’t need any pictures. No. Don’t do that. No!! I will get you a doctor appointment. No. Please don’t. No. Don’t do that… Just… No! Listen! Don’t burn it, cut it, hammer it or stab it! No! Don’t google it either. We will talk when I get home!
On the bright side, I officially have a non-family member witness to verify the madness that is my life. And greater than the witness is standing back and looking at the madness of trying to fix things ourselves and recognizing how futile it is.
I have been sick this week. And busy. Which has been a huge blessing because I haven’t had as much time to think. I did a post Monday discussing a place my husband Justin and I are in relinquishing something to God.
Thursday morning Justin called to ask me something and I brought up the thing we weren’t going to think about. Justin said, “darn it! I wasn’t thinking about it!”
Of course, I felt terribly guilty – but my humanness wants to have a plan. I want to be active in seeking a solution… And I need someone to say, “No! Listen! Don’t burn it, cut it, hammer it or stab it! No! Don’t google it either!”
This is embarrassing. I am no different than a teenage boy with a random lump in an undisclosed location. I haven’t truly let go. I haven’t fully trusted.
At every turn, every read, every message – this is what I am hearing. It is a very complex message. It is hard to let go and do nothing. Our society is programmed to go and do and if there isn’t a reasonable answer in a reasonable amount of time we have a dozen other resources to fix what is broken. Be it a credit card, a babysitter, a new gadget, a surgery, a whole new identity, there is usually a way for us to fix what is broken in our own way AND in our own time.
And as the week dragged on I tinkered with this post and toiled over troubles. And again my God nudged at me… “You said you’d let go. Listen! Don’t burn it, cut it, hammer it or stab it! No! Don’t google it either!”
From a distance, I know of two children that passed away this week – and I think about that level of letting go; letting God be God and heal the way God does, physically or eternally. And my heart breaks for those two mommies – forced to let go.
In the midst of this horror, I have prayerfully poured out my heart to God, asking Him to help us. But I catch myself discouraged that “all I can do is pray.”
Why? Why do I, a believer, believe so little in prayer.
Is it because my prayers didn’t get answered the way I had hoped? Perhaps it is because there are child-sized coffins and mommas with empty arms and broken hearts? Alas, it seems prayer is my last resort instead of my best bet.
And again, I chant… “Don’t burn it, cut it, hammer it or stab it! No! Don’t google it either!”
I want to be a faithful follower of Jesus. I want to let go and let God be God, and do what God will do, either in the physical world or the eternal.
I end this week with several new friends and exciting new opportunities. In the month ahead I will travel to Florida and California. It has been an exciting year, and one I hoped I had grown. I find myself steeped in the folly of “Don’t burn it, cut it, hammer it or stab it! No! Don’t google it either!”
I hear the Spirit whispering “believe, trust me, let go, rest…” And I am earily blessed to have had read the very battle I am up against in a good word from a new friend.
“Are you fighting His lead in your life?
Are you pulling against His leadership instead of learning to move in harmony with His Spirit?
Have you handed over your right to control to the Only One who is truly in control?” Katie Reid
And when it doesn’t go the way I had hoped? When I let, go and let God be God, and He moves in a way, I hadn’t put my hopes?
Another word comes. This word floored me. It was spoken by a young author friend of my daughter:
“I have a friend who doesn’t tell people he’ll pray for them, but rather he will breathe for them.” Allison Brown
It is this intercession, this place where prayers should be our first resources. Knowing God will be God, and that if He moves in a way that we don’t understand, our brothers and sisters in Jesus will surround us and breathe for us.
I am so overwhelmingly comforted by this notion of not being left high and dry. And I sincerely wish I had the week to do over. To believe that God will be God and that His sovereignty covers the answered, the unanswered, and the inexplicable. That He who is in me covers all. In the darkest and most confusing places, He will send someone to just breathe for me. To allow me to rest and wait for Him to show the full glory of His goodness.
Stillness. “Don’t burn it, cut it, hammer it or stab it! No! Don’t google it either!”
May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained. Love, Jami
“Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:14