Rarely am I rendered speechless… but the ghastly black vomit left me so. I had no words. I just stood there staring at it. It was like a dream, the one where someone is chasing you. They are wearing a creepy faceless mask and they are swinging a giant sharp hook thing at your head… you want to scream, but you cannot. That was this moment for me. Once a kid threw up some red punch, I was concerned, but it came out. Black charcoal vomit, where do you even begin???
We learned about Activate charcoal on http://www.xovain.com/how-to/beauty-uses-for-activated-charcoal
This beauty guru convinced us of the exponential positive effects Activated Charcoal could have on our sad pores:
Activated charcoal powder is basically carbon, the stuff pretty much any living thing is made of. Big whoop. The carbon is “activated” (it sounds so “As Seen On TV” when I say it like that) by heating it so it expands and becomes insanely porous, maxing out the surface area. A gram of active charcoal has the surface area of roughly 5400 square feet, which is probably the size of Kim and Kanye’s pool house (and roughly the same size as the warehouse rave I went to in Bushwick the other week).
And we were all in to Activated Charcoal Tablets. Uh, I mean, Totes perf. We don’t know where XOVAIN gets their information but we believe them like we believe Billy Graham on the pulpit on Easter Sunday. Preach it sister! I don’t know how big Kim and Kanye’s pool is, but my pores were about the same size. I have not been to a rave since 1991, but I have been to a warehouse to get a vat of mayonnaise and toilet paper, every week since 2001. These comparative statistics make sense to me. She is using words like square feet… Obviously this is scientific. This is my kind of math language. She knows famous people, and she goes to raves. So, I buy it, we try it… success.
Here is my scientific input. This works. It really made a difference in my skin’s texture and my kids have had less breakouts. However, if your child takes Activated Charcoal tablets and gets car sick or “Quezzy” easily they should stay outside, in the grass, in a hazmat suit for 24 hours after taking Activated Charcoal tablets. A child can destroy about 6 square feet of carpet in the living room, and with a good projectile, to eradicate the last remnants from his digestive track, another 3 1/2 square feet in the dining room. (big science words mean its true.)
Religiously speaking… you can believe Billy Graham’s pulpit view would be…. “Sweet Jesus! Please come back today because…. I just cannot fathom…. Amen.”
On a cooler note, Kanye and what’s her name would simply say, “Dude.”
One the bright side, I do have a warehouse membership – I am headed there now to buy some Oxyclean, mayonnaise, toilet paper, and wine. The only rave I can offer is the “rant and rave” that comes with Activated Charcoal tablets and vomit. xovain.com keep up the good work, but just consider a vomit stain removal section under your “how to” emporium. I’d be happy to report for you for the small fee of Oxyclean for life.